Everybody Gets Slammed!
The star of this lunch though is dessert. It is not just a dessert, it is a bonding experience. Tim Tams are well known chocolate wafers in Australia and if you follow Aussie social protocol, what you get is a meal finisher known as a Tim Tam Slam. You start with a “cuppa” (tea or coffee), bite off a small portion of two opposing corners, place one of the corners in the tea, and suck the warm brew through the cookie like a straw. This action creates a wondrous melting of the cookie’s insides resulting in oozing chocolaty goodness. They are so delicious…and sometimes messy!
Just like life – mostly delicious but a little messy...
But have you ever wondered HOW to be of help?
One of our more recent Monday Lunch discussions involved helping a friend through a rough patch. Depending on one’s personality for taking over or serving quietly, our approaches to help may vary. Unfortunately, if you are the person who waits for the sign-up sheet or the right time to call, you might end up doing more waiting than helping. At least, that’s been our experience despite our best intentions.
Then one day in my Martha Beck life coach training class Martha asked this question while coaching: What would feel like help to you?
I have no doubt that there are times when springing to action is perfectly helpful and necessary. I will also tell you that being asked what feels like help can be a soothing balm. For example, when I was moving back to our former community from another state, I remember feeling quite disoriented by the move.
It was our second move in three years. Though they wanted to support me, my Monday Lunch girlfriends did not want to inundate me with long distance calls and texts all the time. They figured I was busy and would appreciate the lack of interruptions. I, on the other hand, made their lack of communication proportionate to their affection for me.
When I finally confessed that texting and calling would feel like friendship and support, I was supported heartily. They were happy to keep in touch and I was glad to have those moments of knowing friends awaited me in our “new, but old” community.
In fact, the night I drove up to our rented duplex my dear trio friends and all their children poured out of their mini-vans to shower me with thoughtful little gifts (like a bottle of Moscato which helped tremendously when we were snowed in just a week later). The gesture took less than 10 minutes, but felt divine! Had I never expressed what help and support looked like for me, they would have stayed away that inaugural night for fear of overwhelming me.
This simple question works beautifully with upset children, friends in crisis and spouses home from a bad day at work. Sometimes, the answers are like a salve. Other times, nothing feels like help so we just hold space and let our loved ones work it out. Either way, it’s worth a shot. Delivering the known antidote to someone’s strife can truly feel like help.
I’m also recommending Tim Tams. They might be the ultimate antidote to everything unpleasant.
Light & Peace,
The Busy Buddha
TALK BACK TO THE TRIO
What makes it hard for us as women and mothers to ask for help?