I'm Way Better In Your Head!
That very same thing happened to me with a coaching client recently. He hired me to help him sort out some life issues. We talked about his being stuck and giving way too much time to things that didn’t matter to him. As we talked, he was starting to feel more hopeful. He imagined that my husband must think I’m amazing every day.
What great homage to my ego.
My client listens to me carefully and usually finds a sound bite or words of wisdom to write down because he thinks I’m a genius. Okay, not a genius, but he does remember certain things I say because they make sense to him. And the sayings remind him what he can accomplish by applying simple time management tools.
So when he said, “Your husband must think you’re amazing,” I reminded him of the truth.
I’m much better in your head.
Have you ever known someone that seemed really great to you? I have and I have held that person in such esteem that I forgot we are all human. Everybody has super powers, and not-so-great moments. While accepting a compliment is very important (that’s another blog post), there can be times that compliments are really about someone’s inadequacy or perceived shortcomings based on the person idealized their mind.
That goes for what people say about me, too. I’m telling you, I’m much better in your head!
Your son is so lucky to have you. You are a great mom! You would think so, but he’s 13. He thinks I’m annoying, dress funny, and nag him too much about his room, which is a bio hazard. He feels lucky to have a cell phone.
I also lose my temper and feel like most mothers about doing a crummy job sometimes. In my head, other mothers practically hover on a cloud of kindness doing complicated crafts and engaging in playful games all day while their children adore them.
Yes, I do think that.
You probably never eat things like that! When people look at me they sometimes think I eat pretty carefully and clean. Wrong. I want to be that person as much as you do. But, I’m not. I’d like to thank my family gene pool for the illusion.
You exercise all the time! Some people, especially a few years ago, imagined I worked out a lot. I guess “a lot” is relative. I do work out, but certainly not all the time. In fact, I do it far less now than I ever have. I think working out is, well, a lot of work! And I have never enjoyed exercise. You’re welcome.
Your husband must think you are amazing/hilarious/so much fun! Um, no, he doesn’t. At least not as much as you all think. Just ask him.
You are so busy, you do everything! No, seriously, I am not and I don’t. I’m the antithesis of busy. I just do what I say I am going to do and if I commit to something, I see that commitment through. Sometimes, I’m committed to napping. Or sitting on my deck chair reading People Magazine ITALICIZE. Yep, that happens more than I’m proud of.
You are so organized! Yes, I have organized piles of crap all over my house. I swear I’ll get to them. Many of the piles date back to 1988. High school graduation photos, anyone?
You are so calm! Okay, I’m giving myself partial credit. I think I have improved in this area in the past few years. However, let’s not go overboard. I’m human. Some days, people irritate me and other days my family drives me bonkers. Sometimes, on the same day! I lose my business as much as the next person, but now I know I’m doing it. I just chose not to stop. Oh yes, that happens.
See? We probably all hear compliments about ourselves that we know are liberal and imaginative. I think it’s important to understand that these types of statements are about other people admiring you for qualities that they are trying to acquire, or are feeling bad for not achieving in some way.
I do it, too. I admire people for being happier, calmer, more intelligent, more successful, and just more than I am.
Be aware when you start a compliment with “You must….”
It might be a projection of something you admire and want for yourself. Evaluate that idea and see where you can either let it go (because it’s not really you) or take steps to achieve it yourself. And be compassionate towards yourself by realizing we all have our own path in life. We aren’t assigned to be anyone but ourselves!
We all have superpowers and we all have shortcomings.
Enjoy every compliment you receive and dole them out liberally. Know that someone admires you for your own unique qualities.
And take care to not make someone more amazing than humans can be. Most of us are better in someone else’s mind.
In the case of this recipe though, the opposite is true. Who thought a pedestrian condiment like ketchup could be so delicious?
With the right ingredients, everything is delicious!
Peace & Light,
the Busy Buddha
FIND RECIPE HERE!
What qualities in others do you hold in high esteem?
Why do these qualities stick out for you?